Hello my dear,
I hope this newsletter finds you well. But if you’re not feeling your best, that’s okay—it will get better, it always does.
As usual, I’ve missed you a lot.
Today’s newsletter delves into the behind-the-scenes of building wealth through hypergamy. I’ll be sharing my own lived experience and the valuable lessons I’ve learned along the way—No fluff, no pipe dreams…Just a realistic yet successful approach.
What’s in this article :
- How I got my start in the world of business and luxury hospitality
- The financial details of the business arrangements I had with my ex-husband.
- The meaning of being "set for life".
- Crucial life, gold-digging & business lessons I learned as a first time entrepreneur and a hypergamous woman.
For context I highly recommend you read this first part
Key information:
- This story took place over 15 years ago, when I was 32-33 yo.
- It involves my ex-husband, whom I will refer to as “ Phillip”
- I am a French national, and the events happened in France, so some specifics are country-dependent.
- This is not legal or financial advice.
Reading time: 15 min
Let’s get into it,
After the many talks I had with my ex-husband about my desire to build a business that is separate from any of his already established ventures.
He was initially hesitant, but he didn't object to the idea; he just preferred that I choose a sector he knew and understood better.
Little did he know that I chose luxury hospitality mainly because it’s an industry he is not very familiar with. I didn’t have any malignant or sneaky intentions; I truly just wanted a world of my own.
We were on the edge of codependency, some space was healthy.
So, upon my request, Phillip had acquired an estate that was on the brink of bankruptcy.
The property was huge and had two residential buildings on it. A 60-room hotel and a little house where the owners lived. In addition to a little barn with a few horses and some farm animals. It was a beautiful property full of potential (and at GREAT PRICE).
It had been a family-owned bed and breakfast for over 20 years.
They had started it as a little countryside resort but they couldn’t afford the upkeep of the place so it slowly turned into a bed & breakfast/ budget hotel over time.
This happens a lot in this industry ( especially after the passing of the family member who managed it). Additionally, the descendants were in conflict and wanted to sell quickly.
Anyway, let’s dive into the juicy details of the business arrangement i had with my ex-husband.
* It’s important to clarify that when I say “owning,” I’m simplifying for ease. Legally, nothing was owned by us personally; everything was incorporated into separate entities and legal structures (companies, partnership agreements…)
- Phillip owned 85% of the physical estate and I owned 15%— The physical estate: the buildings, land, and all assets at the time of purchase.
However, we co-owned the hotel business established on the property, with me holding 51% (with exclusive executive authority ), while he held 49% as a silent partner.
- On the other hand, I alone owned the rights to the commercial exploitation of the property with a multi-year lease.
- We structured it that way for fiscal, managerial, and common sense reasons. An arrangement I was quite pleased with.
- We also had an agreement that both our shares of any profit will be reinvested back into the business for the first 5 years.
- We made a new post-nuptial agreement that aligns better with all of these changes.
In layman’s terms: He owned the property (in majority), and “leased” it to the hotel business we co-owned. But he didn’t have any “decision-making” authority over it. However, he was entitled to his share of the profits 5 years after the hotel is operational.
If you’re thinking what a mindf*ck this is, you’d be absolutely right.
Welcome to the world of any business worth more than 1 mil $. It’s complex, it’s boring… But it does get easier to understand over time.
He helped me secure financing using his business connexions and the estate as collateral. This financing included both startup capital and funds for operational costs.
- *Startup capital was used to renovate the property, rebrand, and cover pre-opening expenses like payroll for the initial team.
- *Operating costs** covered ongoing expenses after opening, such as employee salaries, insurance, utilities, maintenance, inventory, and marketing & advertising.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed by the business jargon, don’t be—these terms are just modern labels for concepts that have been around forever.
This business may have come into existence because I was his wife, but the technicalities were handled within a business framework (as it should).
In that specific area, the dynamic of the provider husband & his wife was obsolete.
It was no longer about a diamond necklace or an expensive car.
It was about a business that I was supposed to start (almost) from the ground up and make profitable.
My compensation came from both of these funds at the times they were allocated, as I was working on the project before and after it opened.
My status and the structure of my salary changed throughout this process, but concretely it was more or less the same amount of money (slightly higher than the one I had in my corporate job).
That salary, despite being average gave me back that monetary sovereignty I craved.
Additionally, it was recommended by professionals that I take a salary, as the person who is managing the business.
(if you want to know more about why I wanted to be compensated by a salary throughout the process even though I was fully provided for, please read my 2 previous newletters)
So, yes, my ex-husband didn’t technically “give” me the capital needed - aside from buying the property, which is owned by 85%) — he facilitated and guaranteed my access to capital. And without his backing, none of this would have been possible.
At first, I had assumed—like many do—that if someone has a net worth of $100 million (hypothetically), they would at least have a few million in cash sitting in the bank at their discretion.
While that may be true in certain countries, the fiscal environment and regulations of the majority of first-world economies are not favorable to stagnant money. Money is either spent or to spend.
Past a certain wealth level, large amounts of liquid cash (over 200k) are almost nonexistent; everything is managed by financial institutions ( if you read the previous newsletter you know what I am talking about).
Business ventures are typically funded through loans and investment funds for a multitude of reasons, the most important one being: Taxes and interest rates.
Net worth and assets at that point serve as investments and collateral only.
This was my “aha” moment—the realization that being rich by association ( AKA married to a rich man) is about far more than financial comfort or a luxurious lifestyle.
The real jackpot is in leveraging that legal association with a wealthy partner to create wealth on my own. By being Phillip’s wife, a whole new world had revealed itself to me.
It’s not just access to money—it’s the network, the social capital, the VERY fruitful connections, and the intangible benefits.
I understood on a deep level why everyone is either hosting or attending a party, and why every occasion becomes a festival.
My second “aha” moment is realizing that wealth and money are like icebergs—the luxurious lifestyle is the shining tip. Beneath the surface lies a world of fine print, clauses, and nuances that can sink you if you're not careful. And by the end of this post, you will understand why.
As you’re reading this newsletter, you may be rolling your eyes and thinking to yourself that all this information is of no benefit to you.
Maybe all you want is to be wined and dined, and pampered by a gentleman with means… I was there too (and it is the very first step to all this)
And understand that you might not be interested in reading anything else other than how to “get” a rich man, and those posts are still gonna keep coming.
But you need to have clarity on the destination before you start looking for the way. Believe me, it will save you years wasted in confusion.
Being financially knowledgeable empowers you to make informed decisions that work for YOU, giving you greater control over your choices and the ability to shape the life you truly want.
From the outside, many people—especially those with limited financial knowledge (like I was)—might have thought I was set for life because my husband “gifted” me a hotel and a grand estate. Especially after we had a big party to celebrate the groundbreaking.
Which on a superficial level, is correct.
But concretely, the situation was far more complex.
People rarely know the details of this kind of contracts if they haven’t been in similar situations themselves, additionally, business contracts are confidential by default.
This is actually the first time I will share all these details with people other than paid professionals and some very close friends, and the only reason I could do it is anonymity and the fact that it was more than 15 years ago.
In reality, I owned 15% of the physical estate (the land and the structures on it) and 51% of the business operating on that estate—51% of a business that, at the time, wasn’t even operational, let alone generating revenue.
To be even more transparent, had I walked out of that marriage before the hotel became profitable (at least operational), the bank would have likely reconsidered the terms of the investment loan, and not in my favor or cancel it all together.
In that scenario, I would have walked away with 51% equity and “potential” revenue, but also with 51% of the loan liabilities and just 15% of a property filled with depreciating assets that I can't sell.
Additionally, I would have relinquished all the privileges I had as Phillip’s wife…the money, the status, and the network.
In other words, I would have been left with something worse than nothing—especially when you factor in French taxes ( Thankfully I didn’t have any desire to leave him then)
- Revenue: The total income a business generates before deducting expenses and taxes.
- Equity: Ownership stake in the business.
I’m breaking this down for you to offer a clear, tangible picture of what truly happens within an ultra-hypergamous marriage when a husband “generously” invests in his wife’s business.
I also want to give you a realistic understanding of what to expect if you’re considering building your own wealth through hypergamy (which I highly recommend ).
Yes, it is very achievable but only if you make smart decisions and you are able to see farther than the glitz and glamour. And post by post, I will show you how!
With that being said, there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to partake in a little hedonism and luxury without a care in the world… I, myself did that and only that for more than a year before starting this whole hotel venture!
It was the most wonderful year! But just I couldn’t do it forever!
PS: If you are still reluctant about the importance of building your own wealth through hypergamy, please please please go read my post Fake wealth and “the Soft Life Pipe Dream”
Anyway, back to the business arrangement.
Some people thought it could have been better, others thought it was already too much (his family).
But in the end, it worked for me, and I wasn’t about to rock the boat over something I didn’t fully understand at the time. I remained both appreciative and grateful, though always with a healthy dose of caution.
Even now, more than 15 years have passed on this chapter in my life and I still think it was a good business arrangement and the best thing that ever happened to me (business-wise).
You may think it’s not, and that’s okay. I’ve seen enough hypergamous women in real life to know that I had it pretty good.
It was a life-changing opportunity for a young first-time entrepreneur who didn’t have to go through the circle-jerk of investor meetings and get rejected.
Which brings me to some of the most important gold-digging lessons you can learn:
- If you want to build your own wealth through hypergamy, don’t have expectations based on social media smoke screens or reality shows …but most importantly: NEVER have low expectations. Have clear, very ambitious goals, yet, rooted in reality (with a sprinkle of wishful thinking of course). Behind the picture of that private jet your favorite Instagram influencer got gifted from her "millionaire husband", there is a contract drafted by his team of lawyers.
- If it’s not written down and vetted by an independent lawyer, it doesn’t exist. People go back on their word ALL THE TIME. Even if you trust someone with your life, there is no harm in whipping up a quick contract. If I could go back in time, there is sooo much I would have added or retracted from the contracts.
- Closed mouths never get fed: don’t be afraid to verbalize and ask for what you want.
YES, what you want should be within the realms of reason. YES, timing is important ( a year and some into my marriage was probably the perfect timing for such a big ask).
To his credit, my ex-husband believed in me and my ability to be successful in this venture (or so it seemed in the beginning).
After reading all this, you might think that my ex-husband took a huge risk by funding my big business.
To a certain extent, he did bet on me and for that am and will forever be grateful.
But since am not in the business of overly praising men (pun intended), I will tell you this.
One of the clauses in the fine print of the business arrangement we had with the investment bank was that they had complete authority to replace me as “ the managing party” if the business didn’t check certain success metrics or we defaulted on the loan after a certain period of time.
It’s pretty standard for businesses of a certain size. Investors and bank do that to prevent bankruptcy and loss ( as they should)
So in reality, it wasn’t that big of a risk for him, nor the bank. Financial institutions know very well how to protect their assets.
From the start, I insisted on being present for every meeting—no matter how dull—whether it was the initial review of contracts, negotiations, tedious discussions with the bank, or even talks about selling the livestock and farm animals.
Though I trusted my husband’s judgment, along with his team, I was determined to learn everything I could. I was painfully aware of my ignorance in these matters, and that awareness often left me feeling insecure.
I figured that, even if I gained nothing else, I would at least familiarize myself with the business jargon.
As I’ve mentioned earlier, the hotel was on the brink of bankruptcy when we acquired it. Beyond the outdated equipment and subpar amenities, I also inherited the deeply tarnished reputation the previous owners had built over a decade of mediocre service.
My lack of business experience caused me to underestimate just how significant that poor reputation and negative brand association would be. It turned out to be a far greater challenge than I had originally anticipated.
But at the same time, if I knew exactly what I was getting myself into, I would have never had the courage to start.
Sometimes, a little oblivion can be useful in conquering our goals.
I had the property, the capital … now what?
I already had the reports and insights from the market research we conducted with a big agency.
It was excellent and thorough, but I didn’t understand half of it.
It was intimidating, overwhelming, and too specialist-oriented, I needed someone who could connect the dots for me and concretely show me the ropes. Bridge the Gap for me.
Which is exactly what I did.
Step one (Probably the only one I got right back then)
1- Seek seasoned advice
At this point, the business needed 4 elements :
- Renovations
- Staff
- Communication and marketing
- Suppliers
The first thing I did was hire a consultant, a former hotel manager with more than 30 years of experience, just to give me pointers on my vision and plans.
To my surprise, some of my ideas weren’t half bad. I absorbed everything he said. He wasn’t one to bite his tongue when shooting down an idea he deemed bad.
He taught me an extremely valuable lesson: detach my work from my ego.
- Ego and good work don't go hand in hand. A very smart businessperson can have stupid ideas sometimes, and that’s okay.
He was a walking encyclopedia when it came to hospitality and service. Not the kind of knowledge you'd find in textbooks or industry reports, but the kind that comes from hands-on experience in every department of a hotel.
He gave me invaluable advice on everything—from construction tips and knowing what was worth investing in, to areas where I should cut costs. Services I should subcontract in the beginning and those I should keep in-house.
He covered it all: finishing touches, operational efficiency, staff management, dealing with suppliers, and handling logistics. From shower heads to concierge, he knew it all.
He also told me that even rich people steal sometimes, but that I knew already.
We became good friends and still are to this day.
He didn’t have an advanced degree or an elaborate business vocabulary. He had decades of on-the-ground expertise.
Entrepreneurship lesson for you:
When starting a business ( from selling stainless-steel jewelry online to private equity) If you have the budget, hire an experienced consultant/advisor in the industry of your business, it’s gonna save you a lot of time, money, and headaches.
If you don’t have the budget, scrub the internet for firsthand account stories, articles, and books about similar businesses that FAILED. Why? when a business fails ( AKA not profitable), after some time, people involved can pinpoint the exact reasons and parameters that led to the failure.
A fool never learns. A smart man learns from his mistakes. A wise man learns from the mistakes of others
With that being said, theory is not gonna shield you from all mistakes, some are meant to happen and you have no choice but to embrace them. But you don’t have to repeat the most obvious ones.
Google is your best friend. Social media websites are flooded with amazing entrepreneurs documenting their business journey is all kinds of industries. It can feel overwhelming, nonetheless, it’s a great resource.
Step 2: Start by starting and continue learning and improving along the way.
A fast bad decision is better than no decision at all, or a slow right decision
I could have stayed brainstorming with the consultant every day for a year and it wouldn’t have been enough for me. The more I knew the more I realized that I knew nothing!
Which fueled my paralyzing fear of failure.
I kept dragging things and taking too much time to make decisions that didn’t matter in the grand scheme of things ( like the name, the logo, choosing an interior designer… )
6 months have passed after breaking ground and nothing was done, because of me.
I was just stuck in analysis paralysis. Reading books, hiring coaches, and attending seminars …
A 6 month delay in the hospitality business meant 1 extra year of delay in opening because we had to wait for the next spring-summer season to launch.
I will not bore you with the countless mistakes I made in business. That’s dedicated to a business-only newsletter.
But I will tell you this. I worked very very hard to make the hotel a household name in the region and nothing feels as good as accomplishing something.
Working on something that is YOURS, as challenging as it can be, is very fullfilling.
Working when you don't need to work in order to survive and be financially comfortable feels more enjoyable and weighs lighter on your soul.
If you are still reading my long newsletter, I salute you for your dedication and I thank you very much.
And here is a bonus information and some lessons for you.
- I didn’t start making a net profit (take-home money after deducting ALL expenses) until the 2nd year and it was 10,000 euros.
Which is good money, but not the kind you expect when you hear “luxury hotel in Provence”.
The bigger the investment the longer it takes to see profit.
- Sustainable real wealth takes time, effort, and dedication. Marrying into wealth does pave the way if you know how to capitalize on it.
- No business is too small. If you are selling handmade candles from home and turning a profit, congratulations! You are more successful than a big business owner who is losing.
- Managing yourself, your emotions, reactions, mind, wants, needs & energy is the best skill you can develop in life.
- Everything is “learnable”, even charisma and beauty.
- A constant feeling of confidence is not a destination. You learn to appear confident in moments you’re not.
I hope you enjoyed my post and I hope it was as informative as I intended it to be. If you want to chat with me and discuss/debate this post feel free to chime in in the group chat on Facebook. It’s a lot of fun!
You can also reach out to me via email by responding to this newsletter! I read all of them.
Please let me know below if you liked this post and want to see more of it from me.
| Do you find this type of advice useful to your level-up journey ? |
|
|
|
Celine, with love ❤
I am Celine Gray
I write (anonymously) about everything I learned from 25+ years of dating up and marrying up (twice).
If this is something that appeals to you, subscribe to my monthly newsletter where i talk (unapologetically) about hypergamy strategy, money, glamour, gold-digging economics, and how to make it to the top...the woman way...and be happy! (Guaranteed Fluff-free).
|
