Hello my dear,
I hope this newsletter finds you well.
In this newsletter you will find :
- My dating protocol when I was a very active dater
- Practical tips on how to juggle being "masculine" in the workplace and gracefully feminine with your date/partner
- How to optimize your dating endeavors
- And of course some necessary myth-busting about being a professional smart woman.
Reading time: 9 mins
Since I started doing some research in the hypergamy/level-up niche, I have encountered many mediocre ideas … but the one that really gets on my nerves in particular, is: “You can’t be appealing to high-value men and be a strong and independent woman in your professional life”.
First of all, nothing can be further from the truth.
You’ve been led to believe that we, hard-working professional women ( ambitious, not career-obsessed) who married way up and are fully provided for are the exception, not the rule.
So you internalized the false belief that if you are an intelligent, performant, strong, and, independent woman in your professional life… you are doomed to be with an emasculated man who wants to split the bill.
First of all, and I can’t stress this enough, the only thing that can fully determine the fate of your relationship dynamic is the kind of men you choose to entertain and be with. Not your “masculine” job.
We don’t live in a Disney production where we all pick flowers and berries in our cottage and wait for Prince Charming.
We live in an economic reality in which we have to produce something of monetary value to cater to our basic physiological needs.
At the same time, us, the gold-diggers, the hypergamy-interested women, want to be in fulfilling relationships with men who meet our financial standards.
Is that even possible? can you have your cake and eat it too?
The answer is yes, it has always been possible. Women have been doing it since the dawn of time. You can have both, just not at the exact same time.
I am not reinventing the wheel. I will break it down for you because I have done it.
Uneducated (and sometimes ill-intentioned) people like to throw around vague statistics and out-of-context studies about how professionally ambitious women end up single or marry beneath them.
Which is not entirely false.
But how many of these women pursued dating up and hypergamy, to begin with?
It may come as a surprise to you if you are young, but not all women are interested in marrying up for all kinds of reasons.
Most of these statistics that are thrown around in the media fail to mention that the sample of women studied excludes their financial preferences regarding their potential partners as a variable.
Professional women who desire to marry up exclusively are a minority in Western societies. And successful women who are vocal about that desire are an even smaller minority (including me)
All women I’ve encountered in my life, who pursued their careers and settled for a 50/50 dynamic later in life did so either by pure choice or an imminent desire to have children. Additionally, none of them were intentional about marrying into wealth.
You can be feminine, soft, and nurturing and be assertive, strong-willed, driven & competent. It’s a matter of context and circumstances. We are multifaceted human beings.
You’re not required nor should you be soft and delicate In your professional life, and you don’t want to be masculine and dominant in your relationship or dating/mingling endeavors.
As ambitious women in 2024, our approach to life can’t be binary.
The first step towards achieving your “Hypergamy” goal without jeopardizing your professional success and livelihood is to get rid of this false dichotomy and to reconcile both words.
Certain proficiency attributes can be perceived as masculine, and sometimes they are.
We live in a cut-throat economy (now more than ever before) that rewards competition and top performance, consequently, we find ourselves in certain situations where we have to tap into our inner “man” to win.
It’s neither bad nor good. It’s just a fact.
Womanhood and femininity, on the other hand, are about glamour, class, sophistication, delicate mannerisms, composure, calmness, and a soft demeanor.
It’s about letting a man court you, open a door, or pull a chair for you … It’s allowing him to take the lead and giving him the opportunity and space to make your life easier.
So how do we let those two realms coexist within us?
Is it even possible to be a professional woman, industrious and assertive in the workplace, and a graceful, glamorous lady in your personal and social life?
Our power lies in our ability to juggle both of these “conflicting” personality components and adapt to whatever the situation requires of us.
Thankfully, they’re not both needed simultaneously. There is a time and place for each attitude and energy.
Furthermore, adaptability is one of the most useful skills you can learn in life. Learning how to “attitude-shift” is a powerful communication tool.
As hypergamy-oriented women, your dating pool should be as far away from your workplace anyway… unless you want to end up with a man whose salary is one promotion away from yours ( This is exactly how relationships drift to a 50/50 dynamic btw )
If you are serious about dating up/marrying up, I strongly advise you to stay away from men in your professional circle, directly or indirectly.
You don’t want to be known in your industry as the gold-digger who slept her way to the top. Even when it’s not true. People love a juicy rumor and they love to gossip.
There is no shortage of men, but you have one reputation.
And since I am talking about jobs, let me get this off my chest: There is no feminine job and there is no feminine industry.
There is no job that will make you reconnect with your womanhood and softness.
There are hobbies to cultivate your feminine energy.
Even in artistic work, the creative process is usually no more than 20% of the day-to-day operations. The other 80% is answering emails and scheduling meetings like the rest of us.
I worked as a field engineer for over 10 years and I was a very active dater/gold-digger during those same 10 years before my first marriage.
I have a girlfriend who used to work in a penitentiary institution, she would spend her days dealing with law enforcement agents, court officers, and criminals and later that day, be feminine and soft with her date/partner. And yes she is very hypergamously married.
The examples are many.
Take a closer look at wives of high-net-worth individuals in the business media, you will quickly realize that most of them had jobs and demanding careers before they got married.
Some took a more relaxed approach to their careers or changed industries after marriage like I did, and some chose to retire and take care of their families.
But they met those wealthy men while they still had demanding careers, they got proposed to and provided for while they were perceived as “ strong and independent” by society.
I can even argue that their intelligence and intellect played an important part in their attractiveness.
My social circle is full of these women. I am one of these women. We are not special or lucky.
But we all have a skill in common. It’s the ability to conjure our femininity and womanhood at will.
It’s a skill that can be learned and mastered. And this newsletter will put you on the path to mastering it.
So how can we do that practically and realistically on a day-to-day basis?
Why daily? Simply because we can’t be just sitting around and letting our professional life take over and drain us or wait for our days off to connect with our feminine energy just so we can be relaxed enough to date.
And because we are glamorous elegant ladies, we should present that way on our dates.
So there is no time for that idealized long feminine ritual or a blessing from the goddess of sensuality.
That’s the ideal, but realistically there are only 24 hours in a day. 8 to sleep (non-negotiable), 8 to work (minimum), 2 to working out and grooming.
That’s 18 hours a day gone.
Now you have 6 hours only to entertain, date, relax, and/or network.
We have to be practical and efficient with our time if we want to get ahead in anything.
For you to raise your chances of meeting a GOOD man with means who is compatible with you (because money is just one standard amongst many), you will have to sift through a lot of unsuitable partners… It’s really a numbers and probabilities game.
For you to sift through the crowd, you’ll have to line up a roster of first dates continuously.
Practicality is key.
As mentioned previously, I was a very active dater and networker all of my 20’s despite having a full-time “masculine” job.
I would line up 2-3 dates and networking opportunities during the week.
Consequently, I developed a very efficient approach by necessity. By the time I got engaged at 31, I was a pro.
The goal of this protocol is :
- Be the best date/social acquaintance I can be by being glamorous and attractive outwardly and acting in a feminine graceful way.
- Time efficiency because I worked full-time
Here is a trick I learned in a theater-acting book and that I have been doing for over 20 years:
When I was an engineer, I would spend the day in a loud industrial field dressed in safety gear, surrounded by very rough male technicians, and eating a sandwich for lunch in that same field.
And later on that day, I would have a date scheduled where I want to act like a feminine lady.
So here is what I would do :
Immediately after finishing work, and removing those hideous clothes and boots.
I would take 20-30 mins in my car in a parking lot or at home. I would even push the date one hour later if necessary.
Put on my headphones and do a 15-minute meditation focused on breathing and calming my nervous system. Now I do the NSDR by Dr.Huberman (it’s magical)
Once I feel zen and calm, I put on some smooth Latin music or jazz, close my eyes, and move my body very slowly with the music while thinking about my upcoming date and visualizing how graceful and feminine I will be.
Sometimes I would even talk to myself and rehearse my vocal expression and tone.
It sounds very simple and woo-woo but it truly works like magic once you get the hang of it.
Like everything, practice makes perfect. The first time might leave you feeling disappointed if you’re not used to meditation. Just give it time and practice.
Of course, there are some high-stress days that will require an exorcism and 9 hours of REM sleep, but most days, one or two rounds of this ritual will do.
With age and experience, switching it will start feeling like second nature.
Having a feminine attitude is about being connected with yourself and mindful of your state of mind.
Learning to manage your own emotions and sensations is a powerful tool.
Knowing how to self-regulate is the first pillar of seduction.
To this day, I still take 30 minutes to gather myself if needed and harness some positive energy with a glass of champagne and some soothing music before seeing my husband or going to a social event and being the elegant lady I like to be.
I hope my ritual works for you if you’re looking for a way to shake off the “masculine” day.
Now let’s talk dating/networking efficiency:
I have never tried online dating, all my suitors/dates were a result of my networking efforts. I honestly don’t know any woman who found a GOOD millionaire in a dating app.
I had 2 kinds of dates. Short coffee/early drink dates and dinner dates.
Dinners are reserved for second dates and men who are ranking high in my score (a topic for another post).
I don’t have 2-3 hours to waste on every single man I meet.
I usually express my preference for a neighborhood that is convenient to me, close to work, or close to my place (without ever revealing where I work exactly or where I live )
I used to live in Paris, so driving home, changing, and going on a date can be a 4-hour thing.
What I would do instead is have everything I need organized in my car :
- Hair tools and products
- Makeup, a good mirror
- A date outfit & shoes (ironed and cleaned)
- Hygiene products (antibacterial wipes -great for armpits btw, tissue, a change of underwear, deodorant, toothbrush…)
Back in my corporate days, we didn’t have cubicles a lot. I had an office that I used sometimes to freshen my hair mid-day and whip up a high bun to preserve it.
I would get out of work hair done, teeth brushed, face cleansed, and prepped for makeup. Get to my car, and do my feminine energy ritual, followed by my makeup.
Then head to a coffee shop where no one knows me for a quick change of clothes.
This whole routine takes me about an hour. I had a signature hair and makeup look that I know suits me and that I practiced a lot.
Arrive early to my date or the event, park the car, put on my heels and perfume … and walk in like I just came from a beauty spa.
This may sound excessive to you and that’s okay, it’s a rhythm I was personally comfortable with.
Of course, none of these things are ever shared with a man EVER, you don’t want to seem desperate.
You just give them the end result and let them believe that you’re effortlessly immaculate all day every day.
Dating is like any other activity that you want to set time for, get good at and make a regular habit.
Since I didn’t have access to dating books I just learnt to adapt general efficiency rules to it.
My life was organized in a way that would make dating as easy and smooth as possible without jeopardizing my work or my sleep.
When I had some disposable money (from reselling gifts and sugar daddies mostly) to allocate to house cleaning, grocery shopping, and food preparation… I recommend you invest in outsourcing anything that makes your life easier.
When I couldn’t afford to I would dedicate a Saturday morning and afternoon to cleaning and organizing my apartment, prepping my outfits for the week, doing my nails, waxing … the whole maintenance routine. While doing that, I would listen to a cultural or business radio show (I see you laughing Gen Z , yes they were called radio shows back then, not podcasts).
The goal of this micro-organization is to remove any source of stress from my life.
Remember that glamour comes from calmness and calmness is a direct result of good life management.
If you’re an early follower of mine, you’ve heard me say that it’s all in the details.
It truly is.
Having this “hectic” dating/networking system requires physical and mental energy.
If you are tired by 5 pm every day and can’t get your dating together it might simply be because you are not getting enough nutrients and exercise on a regular basis to keep you sharp and energetic all day.
Or you are not sleeping properly or any other lifestyle habit that is sabotaging you.
Sometimes it’s not about dating per se, it’s about all of those habits and small daily actions that make dating enjoyable and fun.
If your energy is drained by daily life, there won’t be any left for seduction and feminine arts.
I wasn’t always an Olympic dater or networker, I just learned out of necessity and desire to learn. It took nearly a decade to truly perfect my system.
Don’t be afraid to find creative solutions even if they seem silly and desperate. As long as it’s discrete and practical, no one will ever know.
Let me know if you have any questions or opinions, I love to read your emails.
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Celine, with love ❤
I am Celine Gray
I write about everything I learned from 25+ years of dating up and marrying up (twice).
If this is something that appeals to you, subscribe to my monthly newsletter where i talk (unapologetically) about hypergamy strategy, money, glamour, gold-digging economics, and how to make it to the top...the woman way...and be happy! (Guaranteed Fluff-free).
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